This website is dedicated to all those that have experienced sexual assault and may not have had desire or the opportunity to share their stories. In some instances, what I have relayed is graphic and explicit. This is what PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) looks like from the inside. These are my perceptions and reflections of how I navigated from violent trauma to a point in my life that is full and gratifying. These stories are specific to my experiences related to repeated sexual assault and the resulting PTSD that has been a part of much of my life. I will be reflecting on various topics, such as emotional numbing, anger and rage, various therapeutic options, social stigma and isolation, dignity, grieving, and more.
To learn more about my personal traumas, read my book, I'm Not Good at Holding Hands, now available on Amazon and Amazon Kindle.
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PTSD
When I was first raped at the age of 14, rape trauma syndrome had not yet been identified and PTSD was primarily associated with those individuals traumatized by war or natural disasters.
That left me in a very precarious position. And even though we know so much more now, how do you help those that are silent? How do you help those that are afraid to speak out or don’t want to identify themselves as being abused or attacked for fear of stigmatization or societal isolation?
Culture
I was not asking to be violated – I was violated by those that were stronger than I was.
I was not weak – I was violated by those that were stronger than I was.
I was not and am not ashamed – I tried to speak and was silenced.
I will no longer be silent.
Resilience
It took me years to recognize my own strength. Others saw it in me long before I did. I was just fighting to live and not disappear in all the silence that was forced upon me. That’s all it felt like – a fight.
There is a lot to conquer once you have been raped or sexually abused. I was so busy with that I only recently have been able to associate this battle with something in a more positive context – resilience.
I took up the gauntlet that was thrown down and determined I would be respected. I decided that I would not be cheated or robbed of anything more than I had been. That includes my physical, mental, and emotional well-being and my quality of life.
Resilience.